Everytime I write my poetry or in this blog or where ever all I write about is Malachai. For a reason I don't know why. I wish there was a cure for this. I am just so confused on everything about him. I can't talk to him because I don't think he will understand. To those who often read my blog and those who don't I am sorry I am writing about him once again. I odn;t know why everytime I write it must be about him. What does that mean? I don't understand and I wish I did.

 Everytime he calls he sometimes always asks me to go hang out with him and I wish so deeply I could. I hate how I have to listen to my dad. He is the reason why I can never do anything with him. I hate it when I say No to him because I feel like I am passing up something I was meant to go and do. I want to talk to my dad about this and put my opinion out there like always but I am scared it might make it worse.

 You know what I hate and I get it all the time. I alk to a friend on what I should do because I am so confused and the first thing that comes out of their mouth is that he likes you. I don; tknow if he does but for some reason people tell me that. Some okay well a lot of my friedns are around me ususally when I see you or talk to you especialyl Loren. They said and she said you do and I asked her why and they said they can tell and that the way he looks at me and talks to me and stuff. I am so confused. You know everybody seems to notice it but me. I don; tunderstand but oh well.

 I cry myself to sleep every night thinking what I did I would disapoint you and I not sure why. Malachai is my motivation for so many things and if I fail I feel like I did failed him. Why? Wy do I feel like that? Man I hate this feeling. If anyone can help me please comment or something because I am so confused.