When I'm alone all I do is cry,
Its hard not to cry in public especially at school,
But most of all I cry when I see you,
Do you know how hard it is to put on a fake smile everyday?
Do you know how much pressure I have to maintain who I am and what I do?

Could we ever be?

Is there a chance for us to be as friends?
Or has everything already vanished?

My heart will always love you no matter how we end up!

With every beat of my heart,
Everything belongs to you.

Everything is in your hands now so make you move!

All I needed you to do was be there!

Take what you got in front of you because it could disappear before you know it..

This is my end..as my blog will come to a close for a long while.

I see our stars tonight
Do you recall that light
Or do you ever think of me
And in your world somewhere
Do memories rip and tear
The ones that always keep you hanging on
To all that might have been

And I love you now
And I hate you now
And I miss you most of all
All those times we laughed
The scars that you left
Still i miss you most of all

And by the water's side
The tall grass where we lied
The nights we cried ourselves to sleep
Most Septembers now
I break down somehow
Remembering all we said
And all those dreams we never got to see

And I love you now
And I hate you now
And I miss you most of all
And did you ever find
A star in your mind
Or do you miss me most of all

Are you somewhere
Without a care
Or are you as alone as I
Did you ever make it home

And I love you now
And I hate you now
And I miss you most of all
And did you ever find
A star in your mind
Or do you miss me most of all

..song by Fuel 'Most of All'..on my way back home from North Carolina from my brothers apartment I just started listeniung to all my old CD's and this song stuck out..everyone already knows who it is dedicated to..so do I really need to say..

..to give you another chance is a road I am ready to take..

I am at a crossroad..one way is to ignore you and never talk to you again or to give you a chance to seize and finally sit and talk to me like you have been wanting to do..I am ready to take both but the questoin is..are you ready? and will you choose for me?..

-My Zodiac Sign-Cancer-

Your positive traits:

You're intuitive enough to know what's going wrong in a relationship early on

A total sweetheart - you're often the most caring person anyone knows

You are a generous and devoted parter to whoever you fall in love with

Your negative traits:

Insecurity - you tend to need a huge amount of comforting from your partner

You tend to be overly sensitive and easily hurt, which make loving you difficult

It's difficult to predict your moods. One minute you're up - the next you're down.

Your ideal partner:

Someone equally sensitive, who wants to take time to get to know you deeply

Dreams of an everlasting love - complete with marriage and a family

Loves to take care of you. Being a good cook and masseuse doesn't hurt!

Your dating style:

Slow. You enjoy dates that last all day, with plenty of time to talk and get to know one another.

Your seduction style:

Quite tender and loving, once you are comfortable in your relationship.

Coy. You tend to play it cool to drive your lover wild.

Orally talented - you're known as the best kisser in the zodiac.

Tips for the future:

Be a little less sensitive. Not every little mistake should hurt you.

Spend time away from your partner every so often - independence is a good thing.

Find ways to take care of yourself. You'll be happier if you put yourself first.

Best color to attract mate: Aqua

Best day for a date: Wednesday

You say you want to talk but then why don't you call or find a way to talk to me. Plus if you really want to talk to me then when ever I pull away why don't you stop me? I think I know what keeps you coming back and maybe that why I am 'giving you the cold shoulder' or not throughly talkin to you or whatever. But like I said if you really wanted to talk to me and if you really want me to give you a chance then why don't you put it into your hands and do something? I act like you aren't there because when ever I see you I look into your eyes and when I do, I see something that scares me so I just choose not look at you or give I you the cold shouler. I have given you a chance to talk..remember that day you came to my house..well you could've talked then and I felt like I was doing something wrong and I didn't understand. You know what I should have never done..is tell you how I felt about you..maybe then..just maybe then. All I can say is that if you want to talk then call me or somehow get me to talk to you. I put that in your hands now. I have given up. I am tired of waiting. Even if you have to get Loren (my best friend) to trick me into going somewhere or what ever. You know that is all you had to do but you didn't. I hope this can be somewhat of an explanation for you.

Someone told me a couple of minutes ago that maybe it is time for everything to come out and so it may be. But I will give it a try and here it goes:

..Ever since I told you how I felt, you changed..ever since you came over, you changed..I not sure why..I just confused. You have changed your opinion baout me and I can see it in your eyes. It easy to tell. You don't treat me like a person anymore..so I will do the same back. You want to be like you are to me when you know it hurts..I can do the same. I not..I can't play your games anymore..I tired of them..

..Is silence really something you should appreciate? I not sure if it is..It so hard to be silent when you speak your opinion so much..but to this one GIRL just to let you know..you can't hurt me..you can't break me..you can't make me jealous..you can never make your self happier then your misery..So please quit what you are doing because in the long run.it wil come back to haunt you..

..dedicated to everyone who is anyone..
Do you notice me out there waving?
Do you notice the signals I am giving?
Do you even notice me?
Even a little or at all?

..to like 'red' is another book to write..

**'red; is a codename me and my best friend use for him**

  Why do people seem to think they know who I like? I hate it when everyone does that. They judge it on me talking to them or they say that there is a spark there or what ever. I not understanding of this but for anyone who is everyone..I don't like anyone. There is this one for which I told him he was my inspiration and stuff well yes that is sooo true but only as friends we must be. I hate to say it over this blog and stuff but it just hapens to be true. I like him no more than a Friend and nothing less. No one has come and swept me off my feet. No one has come and made me so higher than anything..well excpet one. I not sure I liek him much anymore..I jus confused for him.. but anyways I not really liking anyone so please stop thinking I am.

 dedicated to 2-3 people..

..only as a friend we must be..

..we will never be compatible so lets not pretend..

..stop pretending to be..grow up..

..I have my life and you have yours..

..silence is deadly but is that true..

..waiting for oyur answer..waiting for your line..

..play games with me and I will do the same..

 ..Is loving you something I should do? Is it okay to love you? Is it okay to still have feelings for you?..

..People say silence is deadly but ot me silence is just another way of not expressing how you feel..

Dedicated to Liana!

Liana you expect me to talk to you but then why do you walk away when I start to tell you how I feel? Why do you ignore Loren and just walk away from her? Why do you try and show off in front of me? Why do you lie to me? Why do you think that everyone’s lives revolve around you? You know we have our separate lives away from you at which you don’t have to be a part of. Get a grip of life and grow up. You are a really immature person and why can’t you just stop acting like that? You have no excuses so give that up. But all I can and will say to you right now is grow up and get a life.

*Note*don’t get all pissed with me now since I posted in my blog about you. It just some things for how I feel. So get over it and get a life..perhaps your life!

 I look into your eyes and draw to a wonderland of blank. Why can't I just tell you how I feel face -to-face? But would it change anythings if I told you the whole story? Do you know I can never never express all my feelings for you? Would a simple kiss do it? A hug? Could I give you the world?

 I hate it when I see you with another girl because for some reason I get the feeling of jealousy. I odn't understand why. Do you know I have tried to ignore you, I have tried to avoid you, I have even tried to hate you but I can't. The only feeling that I will always have have and can't change is love.

 I hate the feeling of no freedom. Everything I say and do reminds me of you or I think what would you say?or what would you do?

 For you now know the feelings I cna't say and express for a while now..So I ask you 1 question..How do you feel?

 ..don't you realize how you are treating me..