This is dedcated to my father..

I hate it when you say you know me when you don't even stop and take time to look inside me,
I hate it when you sya I do nothing when you are hardly home to know,
I hate it when you say I don't do my work when I do more than you can see,
I hate it wen you say I haven't changed becasue I have changed a lot and you just won't take time to see,
You get mad at me for no reason or is it because you regret I was born?

..I know everyone thinks that me and my dad have a very good relationship but that is a lie..I hate my family and especially my parents..

 This entry I dedicate to antoher person. A person I care a lot about and wish he knew it. All I will give you is the codename my friends and I use and what I use on the blog. So it is 'M'. I wish I could tell him how I feel but it like when I get the guts to tell him I go blank. So here it goes and if he reads it.

 'Everytime I look into your eyes I feel like there is no one else in the world except us. My friends try and say something and I don't hear them. I try to tell you how I feel but everytime I want to, I draw a blank and forget everything. When I had that depression/suicide phase, you were the only thing that kept me here. You are all I can think about and just recently I have been able to move on but not all of myself. A big part of me will always be with you no matter what you want to think. I made mistakes and those are the only things I regret. I am now a poet because of you. You are my inspiration and because of that I have been published and won many awards at which I give to you. I wish I could tell you face to face but it so hard to. the poem that got me, I guess to say noticed, is called  For You and here it is:

My heart,
My body,
My soul,
Can never forget you,
My heart feels for you,
My body calls for you,
My soul belongs to you,
Forever and ever,
Everything about you,
I love and can nevr forget.

That one is just one of the many I have about you. My feelings for you are real. I thought I was over you but seeing you again after so long realyl made me look and see how much I am not over you. I have recently just begun to move on. I like someone, yes, but to let you know I will never truly be over you. Everyday I wait to maybe hear the phone ring or to just hear your voice but as days go by I am realizing a bunch of stuff. I miss you and will always miss you. There is much more to say that I can't and won't type but that is the main things. But even now I still believe I can truly say, I Love You, Always and Forever, No Matter What Happens!'

 This is from my heart, it truly is. It is up to you if you want believe it or not just know it the truth.

 Okay well most of ya'll know that this girl, Samantha U., have been in this fight but recently we both decided to just stop being friends. It was the best ting we have done since our friendship started. But she has been writing entries about me in her blog and I think it time for people to see my pint of view int his situaiotn everyone is reading about. So be prepared because the truth is coming out now.

When Samantha came to Florida I was pretty excited and so I took the time to get to know her. She seemed pretty kool and I loved being her friend but when we really started to get into our friendship is when it started to get wierd, in my perspective. I trusted her with all my heart and so I felt close enough to tell her that I had depression and was having thoughts of committing suicide all the time (don't worry I don't anymore). Then everything started to get wierd. I wasn't being the best friend I shoud've been. I started to be a immature punk ass bitch. I was always mad and always took it out on Samantha. I finally told my dad what was happening with me, (the depression) and he never believed me util my dad friend who is like a Sherriff for our county and called and told my dad I was reported on the Suicide list. He told him who it was and my dad took me and Mrs. Patsy to his room and he talked to me and told me what happened. I started to cry because I guess that is what it took to wake up my dad. At the time I was pissed off at Samantha and everyting that happened I took it out on her. I didn't stop to think about it I ust did it. I got counseling and it helped. I talked to my counselor and she helped me out a lot. So I am now out of counseling and I can't imagine hurting myself anymore.

So then school got out and I continued to be a immature desperae bitch ass punk. So about midway through I stopped all contact with my friends, I quuit going to Seville and having fun. I even quit mny faveorite sport in the world, basketball. I decided to relaly look inside me and find out who I really was. About that same time Samantha and I get in another fight. Although this one really set each other off. we both said stuff we meant but a lot of it was stuff we meant and still to this day everything I have said to Samantha I don't regret or take back and I thik she feels the same way but that not for me to judge. So I took a look inside and I found the real person I am. I found the person I have lost for so long. So I have now changed into a wonderful, joyous, exciting, crazy, wild, mature person. I figured out how to channel my anger and that when I kinda became a poet but there is more to that story. I will write maybe in the next entry. So Samantha I know we aren't friends anymore and I am sorry to say but I am glad. We were, well I wasn't the best friend I could've been and you didn't deserve that. So please here me now and forever, I am truly sorry for everything I have put you through. I am glad you called the Suicide Hotline in the time I needed it. I am thankful for that and my life in that part I owe to you. I hope you can forgive me for how I treated you and what I put you and your family through, if you don't forgive me than that okay. I understand. but I just have one request, please stop writing about me wehn you hardly kow me anymore. I have told my friends what I did to you and they say they would've done what you ahve done in some parts. I told them to please help me if I get back to that point because I don't want to ruin a wonderful person like you. I am sorry but at the same time thankful.

 I know it might seem like a short time for me to be away but in the short time I thought a lot about my feelings. I decided since I am to scared to go and tell 'M' to his face how I feel because then I will probably draw a blank and not say stuff I want to say so I decided to write him a note. I have already have two and a half pages done. For people to know..I don't like him as more than a friend..I just have stuff and regrets and explanations to say or write that he needs to know. Should I give him the note? Yes? No? Maybe So?

Okay I am getting a little aggravated at something..everyone keeps sayin that a certain someone likes me. Like today stuff happened and one of my best friends was like He Likes You..I don't think he does..but she say he shows off in fromt of me everytime I am around. She isn't theonly one..about all of my friends they are sayin that he does because of him showing off and stuff. I don't know..what do you think?

Well basketball is coming! There is a meeting for grades 9-12 for all basketball players Friday..I can't wait! WooHoo!

 Another day in the life of a new entry..hmm..One of my bestest friends stayed the might with me this weekend and we had a blast..when my dad left to go watch a movie with his..I call her his girlfriend..but he watched a movie with her for a while at her house and so Loren and I cranked up the music and danced and were being crazy..well we always wild and crazy..especially me..I love to be crazy and wild..anyways then we went to the mall..the first time I have gone in a very long time..it was fun but boring..then we came back talkin and jammin and we both tried to go to Seville but her mom will never let her and my dad said not this time because he had to leave for work at about 5:45 am.

ever since after the hurricane ivan I have been busy, busy, busy! I have hardly been home and I glad. I have been helping others clean up their yards and volunteering and stuff..it fun..it seriously is.

Well this shall conclude this edition og this blog..lol..gotta get up early and go work for a while..

But one last thing..DOLPHIN FOOTBALL BETTER START WINNING THOSE GAMES AGAIN..COME ON..REPRESENT YOUR HIGH SCHOOL..GO GBHS SPORTS!!

 Well I am still confused on what I should do..well actually I should say I know I should talk to him and tell him how I feel and stuff but that not the problem and I not as nervous many would think..I just scared, afraid of his reaction..I mean would he just take all I have to say and shove it into the wall and ignore everything I have to say or would he take it to heart knowing what I feel is true and from the heart. That all..seriously.

Well the friendship I was second guessing, I not really second guessing much anymore. But how come now instead of second guessing that one friendship, how come I am all of a sudden second guessing all my friendships..what is the matter with me?

When you speak your opinion, please don't speak it to much to make your opinion into a complaint.